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Janae Weinhold is a professional counselor and a former adjunct professor at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs. She and her husband, Dr. In addition to almost sixty years combined teaching experience, the Weinholds have served for over five decades as licensed mental health professionals, specializing in the areas of developmental psychology, trauma, violence prevention, conflict resolution, cosmologies, and consciousness studies.

They live in Asheville, North Carolina. A licensed psychologist, Dr. He and his wife, Dr.

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Do you feel panicked when you reveal too much about yourself, fearing you might drive that person away? Do you fantasize about a relationship escape plan? Do you get anxious when your partner seems aloof? Are you a serial dater? Do you need continual reassurance from your spouse? Do you micromanage your partner, always needing to know where and what he or she is doing? Are you a suspicious person? Do you have commitment problems?

Do your fears of rejection keep you from entering new relationships? If you answered yes to most of these questions, then you might have abandonment issues. Abandonment is a feeling of disconnectedness, rejection, and neediness. The aftermath of this type of trauma generates a looming fear of not only losing connection with the people you love, but being forced to fend for yourself.

The Dance Between Codependents & Narcissists

Three complexes of importance in psychiatry require clear description: 1 the behavioral response to institutionalization, 2 the personality syndrome of institution-proneness, and 3 the institutional structure and procedure. These complexes are overlapping, so that one must attend to both their common denominators and their differences. These responses to institutionalization are often confused with features of the particular deviancy for which the person was institutionalized, such as schizophrenia or criminality.

The Institution-Prone Personality shows the following characteristics: a immaturity that is rationalized; b underachievement and deviancy; c the tendency for covert symbiotic relationships; d denial of the personal; and e extremes of over- and under-compliance with social norms.

Category Archives: counter-dependent Fearful of re-experiencing abuse, abandonment, or loss of our autonomy, many codependents become counter-​dependent. Blind Spots in Dating a Narcissist · Objectifying Women Shames Everyone.

Every codependent relationship has two parts. After all, it takes two to have one person become codependent on the other. In a codependent relationship, one has found themselves giving endlessly without receiving anything in return. Needing to please, be accepted, validated, and defined by their significant other, a codependent loses touch with the things and needs that make them who they are.

Instead, their whole world becomes focused on the partner— their needs, their wants, their every desire. A codependent can learn to take responsibility for his or her disordered behavior and make changes. However, not all the blame is to be put on their neediness. At some level, the other person in the relationship has a neediness too. They find benefit in allowing their needs to be served by the codependent. These needs can be external and internal, though the internal will likely be undefined.

Counter-dependency is the term given to the other person in the relationship who uses the caregiving of the codependent to their advantage. They are otherwise non receiving of love out of a deep need to avoid it. At the core of counter-dependency is an inability to trust or be intimate with others. Unrelenting in their independence, counter-dependents base their lives on the fact that they are fully self-supporting in all ways.

Relationships: How To Tell If You’re Counter-Dependent

So much is known and widely discussed when it comes to co-dependency in popular culture, but very little light gets shed on its evil twin, counter-dependency. While co-dependents are weak, needy, and clingy, centering their behavior on what others do, think, and want, counter-dependents are on the flipside of this. Counter-dependency is when someone projects self-confidence, success, and power on the outside, but on the inside they are unsure of themselves, suffering from a poor self-image and low self-esteem.

Their picture-perfect exterior hides an inner persona that is needy, scared, and lacking. Counter-dependents take every possible measure to ensure that they are not dependent on others for anything.

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Today I woke up in a very sad state. Since the breakup I have been in search of answers. The most important question is, of course, why? My friends have told me I may never get an answer. But I know what I felt, I know what our relationship meant. I felt it deep down. We loved each other.

Dating a counter dependent

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Co-dependent, counter-dependent, and dependent personality disorder. you be looking for in a first date and without which there will be no second date.

Many people have heard of the term codependency but not necessarily counter-dependency. Codependency is finding self-worth from making others happy or pleasing others. The lesser-known word counter-dependency can be a problem just the same. It masks certain insecurities around a fear of intimacy. Intimate relationships depend on connection and trust. That is why counter-dependency can create disruption in relationships.

Counterdependents can seem high functioning, socializing and going out to meet people on a regular basis.

The Opposite of CoDependency: Counter-dependency and Love Avoidance

It is not a disease. Your can change these behaviors by healing the underlying traumas that are causing them. Healing counter-dependent behaviors as an adult starts with connecting the dots between what happened to you as a child and what is happening in your adult relationships. These behaviors typically involve avoidance of intimacy in your adult relationships by creating rigid boundaries, pushing others away, appearing overly independent, and by acting strong, blaming others and keeping very busy.

Counter-dependents are generally high-achievers in the professional, scholastic or athletic arenas, but failures in their personal relationships.

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Codependent and Single–Dating After Narcissistic Abuse–Healthy Selfishness